Life Lessons
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A List of 42 Things in My 40s That I am #SoOver

PicMonkey Collage

Lines, thongs, landlines, ear cuffs and bedazzled shoes (which are actually kind of cool in this context). Photos courtesy Etsy, Shutterstock  and Pinterest

 

When you reach this wonderful 40+ phase of life, there are people, customs and articles of clothing that you’ve decided, finally and firmly that, you know what? I am SO over that. I can’t and won’t stomach it any longer — and I don’t need to.

These things might seem innocuous to other people, or even delightful to others, but you’ve decided you’ve had enough and you’re finito. And you don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks.

Let me caveat this first by saying that of course I’m SO OVER hatred, injustice, racism, sexism, homophobia and world hunger more than anything on this list.

But this is not that list.

It’s hot. I‘m cranky. Allow me to flex my inner curmudgeon.

I am so over…

  1. Any summer festival where indoor plumbing isn’t readily available.
  2. My under-the-bed bin of “someday” clothes. Marie Kondo, much love.
  3. People who don’t let you leave before they enter. Manners!
  4. And while we’re on manners — impatient restaurants.
  5. Kombucha on tap at coffee shops.
  6. Going out on the weekends. Hello, Sense8 marathon. Hello, naps.
  7. Pantyhose
  8. Topknots
  9. Hair mousse
  10. Imagining I will ever get to that huge box of random photos and sort them into lovely acid-free-paper-separated albums.
  11. People on the street with clipboards asking me for stuff. “Excuse me? Ma’am?”
  12. Musty thrift store clothes. Once they had their place of treasure and polyester-drenched irony. Now, I like things with all buttons attached.
  13. Bedazzling. And while we’re here, vagazzling. I don’t think there is a man alive that looks at a woman’s genitalia and thinks, “You know? That would be so much better with diamonds.”
  14. Bikini waxing. The single most painful experience of my life. Actually waxing in general. My eyebrows have officially stopped growing. So there’s that.
  15. I have never and will never have time for you, 5-year-old mud mask in my beauty cabinet.
  16. Shakespeare in the Park. I know, I know. And I’m a Public Theater member. But long, long lines + August heat + NYC? Just, no. Kevin Kline, Meryl Streep: even you will never trump that dismal stew.
  17. I am so over forever and ever LINES.
  18. Thong, th-thong thong thongs.
  19. My landline. Finally.
  20. Nosebleed seats. Old eyes, people. The one thing I’ll splurge on is a good view.
  21. Letting other people make decisions for me. Nope.
  22. Keeping quiet when something doesn’t sit well with me.
  23. Evernote. Right, it’s supposed to “save my life.” Even my Mom is trying to convince me. I just can’t get with it.
  24. Jean shorts, gauchos and culottes.
  25. Uncomfortable shoes of any kind.
  26. Eating peas. An aforementioned parent used to make us eat as many peas as we were old. I will never eat one pea, let alone 48.
  27. Feeling guilt over the books I still haven’t read. Infinite Jest, you will haunt me no more.
  28. True Detective.
  29. Doing the dishes. I have never owned a dishwasher, but it’s time.
  30. 700-word emails. Call me.
  31. The fake “Let’s get coffee” salvo. We are never getting coffee together, so let’s just not.
  32. The broken elevator in my office building.
  33. Ear cuffs. I just think about them and feel all skin-crawly.
  34. Designer purses with bag fat designer names on them. What’s the point?
  35. George Clooney.
  36. Sad, but never again for my poor knees.
  37. Worrying about the money I’m spending on my daily green ice tea. (“You could retire with all the money you’re wasting.”) So many little life luxuries and daily rituals are worth it right now.
  38. Apologizing profusely.
  39. People who promise to do something and then disappear.
  40. The term and concept “FOMO.” I’m fine with missing out.
  41. D. R. A. M. A.
  42. Lists that don’t afford me the opportunity to change my mind. So…

OK, now I want to know: What are you #SoOver? Hashtag it and tell us on Twitter (or even better on Instagram with a photo) or just below in the comments. Age is a beautiful thing.

12 Comments

  1. Diana says

    Great list!! I’m so over people looking at me crossed eyed because I’m 48, and I’ve chosen not to settle and marry someone just for the sake of getting married. Single and comfortable with it.

    • Amy says

      @Diana – I get the same thing because my husband and I chose not to have kids. We are treated as “less” by many because we don’t know “the love of a child.” Wrong! I have two beautiful nieces and a nephew that I adore.

      • , I wonder if perhaps Paul wasn’t just a bit unclear, when he spoke of “individual Muslims”. Perhaps he didn’t mean ALL Muslims as invisiduald, but those “individual” Muslims who are driven by the “evil power” of Islam. In essence, meaning those who become suicide bombers, and not Ahmed the local 7-11 owner.

      • It’s kind of strange isn’t it? Yesterday we were Libras and now we’re Virgos. I’m trying to articulate how it makes me feel. Kind of like the fun was just sucked out of a game.

  2. Crystal says

    I am so over bras! I hate wearing them. I haven’t worn one in over two years and love it! I wear a tank under clothes that are too thin and to work.

  3. I’m over the surprise and “You get them, girl!” and “Are you insane?” reactions I get when someone discovered I’m back in school. I spent 20 years as a writer, and if there’s one thing people should know about me by now is that I mean what I say and do what is necessary to pursue the work I love. So yes. I’m back in school. I’m not an inspiration — I’m a freaking mess. And if this makes me insane, great! Now get out of my way. I’m over the chatter and I have a test to study for.

  4. Wendi says

    Ice skating and swimming in public pools. I’m Canadian and we are all supposed to be ice skating fans but I hate it and have since I was a child. It’s always cold and my feet hurt. I’m never going again. Same for swimming. Give me a lake or the ocean and I’m in there splashing around, but my days of having to hang at the public pool with my children are done and I am never going back.

  5. Allessandra says

    I am so over being told I am a 40-something, period. In my mind, I am still forever 26. I may not be as wrinkle free or forever rid of the gray hair, however I am the youngest 40-something in my mind, I know. I still enjoy listening to the music of my youth. Van Halen – Ou812, Quiet Riot, Duran Duran etc. I find that music to be inspiring, as I can still relate to the lyrics, most of the time. I am not a size 4 or 6, as the media states we should be. I am a healthy and curvy size 10/12, depending on the make of clothing. Sometimes I do wish Spanx would truly hold the muffin top in, however have learned that low rise jeans are not a friend to anyone who has had children. That being said mid-rise and regular fit jeans with a slight flare are awesome, yet hard to find. Thank you Old Navy for your Dreamer fit!

    I speak my mind, unabashedly verbally admonish those who are disrespectful to myself, my family or anyone who is older than them. I have not patience for the self-entitled 20-somethings, who in my opinion, have no true sense of “hard work” and working for what they want. I love my children, spoil them regularly however they earn what they get. I don’t let them play on teams where everyone gets a trophy, they need to earn it. I am greedy with “mommy time” and relish in my greed for the time to be alone. I eat red meat, regularly even though I am always being told, it is bad for me or veggie/vegan is the best way to live. I admit to occasionally eating Kale however I love CARBS, Chocolate and everything that a supermodel cannot eat.

    I am over make-up and use it when I want to, I am over media stereotypes and political stupidity. Speaking of politics, I am so 100% over the silver-spooned folks who dare to tell the working class how to live, but yet give no voice to the “ordinary” people.

    In short, I live my life as a mother of two in her 40’s, as I see fit. I don’t care if anyone disagrees with me, as I am not preaching that my way of life is better than anyone else’s. I don’t push my life on others and as a child of the winter of love (1969), I am patient, empathetic and humble, while still possessing the vigor and dreams of one born in 1989.

    Being a woman, outspoken with the occasional filter mis-fire, has been rewarding. I have regrets, not traveling as much as I think I should have, never joining the peace corp or even the idea of never having become someone of consequence and known to the world. The later, I have to say holds little water, as I am someone of consequence to my children. That is something I love and even as my son just now, came by and gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me, just because he wants to, it warms and feeds my heart. I am so over feeling guilty for being ordinary, a no-name in this society of reality-tv hounds. I have my health and my children’s love, and for all the rants I wrote above, that makes me a 100% proud woman of 46.

  6. Melissa B says

    Cheap beer, bad drinks, drinks in plastic cups, too sweet, overly fruity college style “girly” drinks. Serve me a real beer or a man’s martini any day over that aforementioned garbage. Also add milk chocolate, most candy, and anything overly sweet anymore.

  7. I am a musician, and I am so over people saying “TELL ME when you’ve got a gig on and I’ll come to it!” (In that tone of voice) And they never do. I would prefer it if they didn’t say anything rather than pretend to be enthused, then be a no-show at gigs. Yes, I am sensitive. What’s wrong with that? I am also over always being the one to call and text in order to keep friendships going, but not getting calls and texts myself.

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