All posts filed under: Issue: Secret

TueNight Live: Photos from SECRET

All photos by Erika Hokanson. Shh… Sometimes our stories are for select ears only. But for this Spring edition of TueNight Live we were ready to reveal our most clandestine tales. Our theme was “Secret” and we had six readers tell all. As part of the Invisible Dog Art Center’s Open Studios week, we were proud to pack the house with more than 100 “grown-ass women” and feature artwork by many of the ID’s women artists. Here are some fabulous photos from the evening’s festivities. MIngling before the show. With wine and snacks in hand and friends met, we were ready to start. Margit kicks us off. Hitha Hertzog disclosed the first secret of the night: as a closet conservative, she was reconsidering her loyalties. Alison Mazer detailed her quest to find a discontinued lipstick:. Bringing joy to the audience. Financial planner and sponsor Stephanie Genkin, CFP®, also known My Financial Planner, introduced our next secret reader. Thank you Stehanie! Diane di Costanzo talked about our financial lives and the significance of talking about them — …

The Secret Issue: Shhh…

We all have secrets. I like to think I’m an upfront, transparent kind of gal, yet there are a lot of things I’ve never told anyone. Hey, what if I told you a secret right now? Oh hell no, this is not that kind of post.  A secret isn’t to be toyed with. It’s not some flitty, flighty gossip, it’s a long-held, deep and dark. We keep a secret because it has perceived power. If unleashed, it might impact others — or it might affect how they see us.  Secrets can be good or bad. A friend tells you they are pregnant and to keep it hush-hush until she’s ready. A colleague comes out of the closet to only you, “Can you keep a secret?” And then there are secrets that cause insurmountable pain — a secret love affair, a state secret that if unleashed would cause destruction. A secret recipe that if divulged would mean millions of people would know how to make my grandmother’s perfect chocolate pudding. Locked away. In midlife we take stock …

61% of Women Would Rather Talk About Their Own Deaths Than This Topic

My trigger to stop being so secretive about money occurred in a Palm Springs hot tub, while my sister and I were parboiling ourselves under a clump of shaggily glamorous palm trees. She is 61, I’m 59 and we were talking about money for the first time since the days when our “salaries” came in the form of weekly allowance from someone we called Mommy. Which is to say, we were having a meaningful money discussion for the first time in a half century.  “How much do you make?” she asked. I told her. I asked her the same question.   She answered it.  “Oh, O.K.,” we said simultaneously.  And then, as if we had walked through a heretofore unseen wall, we started talk openly about all sorts of money matters: how much money the family lost after the IRS caught up with some early-80s tax-filing shenanigans; “Mommy’s” financial situation; how much we had saved for retirement.  It was an inexpressible relief to discuss our family’s complicated relationship with money. The short story: my mother’s father made …

Lipstick Secrets: My Quest to Wear Parallel Red, Forever

In 1986, during my first month of college at SUNY Purchase, I spotted a woman on campus wearing the most beautiful, fire-engine-red lipstick — and no other makeup. Just the lipstick. She had curly brown hair, parted on the side just like mine, and her red lips made a singular statement. I walked right up to her and got the name of the lipstick: Estée Lauder’s Parallel Red.  Until this point, I’d only seen girls wear glossy light pink, frosted pink or iridescent pink gloss. No one that I knew wore bold, red colors even though I grew up in NYC. The only strong red lipstick I had seen was my Mom’s stage makeup.  As soon as I could get to a department store, I bought it. From that day on I never wore another lip color or any other makeup. I didn’t need eye makeup or blush; this red was enough to light up my whole face. I wore it everywhere: to see bands, to grocery shop. Because there were two Alisons in my …

A Onetime “Closeted” Republican Decides to Come Out — and Slam the Door.

The term “closeted” has been used to describe many marginalized groups. It rarely has been used to describe a brown woman who is a Republican.  Let me explain.  Growing up I was the girl version of Alex P. Keaton. When Family Ties would air during prime time, I would beg my mother to let me watch. Not because I loved the snappy one-liners of Justine Bateman’s character. I loved how Alex would use Socratic method to lay out conservative arguments with his parents. I took copious mental notes.  My divorced Indian parents were split down the middle when it came to politics. My mother was Elyse Keaton while my father was a skinnier, browner, better dressed Archie Bunker. My mom would host ACLU meetings at her house. My dad would play golf with rich, white, old guys secretly hoping he would become one of them.  In 1996 I was excited to cast my first vote. Because of my age, I had missed the 1991/1992 elections by two years.  During his campaign, Bill Clinton came out like a lightening …

Learning the Truth About My Real Father

Growing up, I never knew my name. I mean, I had a name but I never knew it because I was called “Piggy” since I was born. Story goes, when my mom gave me a bottle, I curled my hands and feet like pig’s hooves around it. How fucking adorable. Just call me bacon why don’t you?! We lived in Crown Heights, Bedford Stuyvesant, & Prospect Heights, Brooklyn in the late 60s and early 70s. You could say my mom was a rolling stone and wherever she lay her hat was her home. By the age of 25 she had seven kids by six different daddies. Yeah, I know. My mom was rolling more than her hat back in the day. No judgment! My Dad must have loved my mom because by the time they met, she’d already had three kids by three different men. He still wanted to be with her. I love my Dad for his persistence in getting with my mom but looking back, they broke up mainly because my mother continued …