(Graphic: Helen Jane Hearn/TueNight)
Ah, the holidays. ‘Tis the season to rejoice, make merry, listen to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas” and bite one’s tongue when one’s confronted with the time-tested barrage of unsubtle passive aggressive comments from friends and family.
Well, two can play that game.
In the name of holiday harmony (and your sanity), why not bite your tongue as you wrap the world’s most passive aggressive gift ever? Why say it when you can pay it forward with a gift that does the indirect communicating for you? Why not give something that says you care enough not to say exactly how you feel but not enough to not be somewhat passive aggressive about it in your gift-giving?
What? I was only joking! God. You don’t have to get so upset.
1. Fiberglass Confetti Eiffel Chair
The gift that passive aggressively says “your taste in housewares is beyond basic.”
2. Basic Repellant Phone Case
For your “friend” who IS basic.
3. Shut Up Cards
The gift that passively aggressively says, “Literally no one cares, bye.”
4. Helpful Reminder Condoms
The passive aggressive gift for your friend who’s single-handedly keeping Tinder afloat.
$42.25 for 25, SayItWithACondom.com
5. Fuck Feelings Book
The passive aggressive gift for your friend who’s never not all up in her feelings.
6. Rachel Antonoff Ovary Sweatshirt
The passive aggressive sweatshirt that’s perfect for your friend who can’t STFU about her cramps. (Or, in other words, me.)
7. Blue Apron Subscription
The perfect gift for your friend who nearly poisons you every time he cooks.
From $59.94 per month, BlueApron.com
8. Noise-Cancelling Headphones
For your friend who can’t master “inside voice.” CNet loves these, but not as much as you will.
9. Embroidery Kitchen Cleanliness Reminder
For your spouse/partner/kid/roommate who NEVER seems to remember.