All I Want for Christmas is… Pizza? 5 Gifts for Carb Lovers

‘Tis the season to celebrate awkward family conversations (“Nope! Still don’t have kids!”), the birth of whichever deity you may believe in, your general mildly pagan ways, and stretchy pajama pants you plan to change into to celebrate the most sacred and holy food group of all: carbs. Just admit to yourself how much you love carbs, whether or not you lie about eating them. It’s a truly freeing experience. Here are five no-carb gifts for the carb lover (i.e. me/ you) on your list.

1. Jeffrey Campbell Pizza Hi-Top Platform Sneakers

And you thought there wasn’t a shoe that combined your love for cartoony pizza, the now-ness of the post-modern ’90s revival and your need for added height! In your FACE, I say!

$250, Urbanoutfitters.com

2. I Want Abs But I Want Pizza More T-Shirt

Aaaaaand therein lies the conundrum, printed perfectly on this tee, that masterfully nails the endless pizza-versus-abs chasm. (Personally, I always go with pizza over abs, because it’s easier. And tastier. And I can wear the t-shirt with pride.)

$30, Shopjeen.com

3. Pizza Lover Watch

As I reach out for my third slice of the night, this Whimsical Watches

Pizza Lover watch reminds me of what I already know: It’s pizza time.

$45, Wayfair.com

4. Pizza pillow

This YummyPillow Pizza by DCI is exactly what I’d like to lay my head down upon at night when I dream my standard double-cheesy, carb-loaded pizza dreams.

$19, Fab.com

5. Rotini Pasta Necklace

Pasta holds a special place in my heart and waistline, so why not immortalize that love with a necklace that celebrates rotini — the unsung hero of the pasta world! It’s made from a real, uncooked piece of real rotini (which is then cast in white bronze and plated sterling silver). Plus, it’s a super layerable piece!

$37, Etsy.com

Originally Published December 17, 2013. Updated April 3, 2021.

Tamar Anitai

Tamar Anitai has one husband, two cats, no kids, no car. Midwestern by birth, New Yorker by a 14-year act of stubborn defiance. Digital content strategist for a global agency, and essayist on the occasional off night. Rap game Bea Arthur. Yes, she wants see photos of your cat. @tamaranitai on social.

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9 Responses

The TueNight Gift Guide Part Two | Tue Night

December 17, 2013

[…] Tamar on gifts for carb lovers. […]
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Silly Things People Have Said to Me When I Tell Them I’m Not Having Kids | Tue Night

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[…] Five Non-Carb Gifts for Carb Lovers […]
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