Author: Heather Graham

To Dye or Not to Dye?

Dear TueNight, I was having a conversation with my friend that turned to the topic of hair dye. I’m thinking of covering my grays with something a little less boring. She told me not to bow to the societal pressures for women to look young no matter how old we are. But when I look in the mirror, I feel like I’m living in some old lady’s body who I don’t even know. Is she right? Should I embrace my gray?  — More salt than pepper Dear Salty, I started dying my hair a plethora of colors when I was 15. When I walked down the stairs after my first (unsanctioned) dye job, my mother was talking on the phone and watching Dallas. She watched me descend about half the staircase. “I’ve gotta go. My daughter just dyed her hair purple.” Whew, she was mad!  It’s been 30 years since I started changing my hair color every which way but green. I’ve gone through long stretches of leaving my dark brown hair as is, mainly …

I’m Lonely! Should I Connect with My Ex?

Welcome to our new advice column where we try to answer all of your burning, confounding questions. Never fear, a grown-ass woman is at the helm! We’ll also get advice from experts (since we may not always have the best answer.) Share your own advice in the comments below. Dear TueNight, I had a couple glasses of wine and friended an ex or two on Facebook recently… eek.  Now I’m thinking that was a mistake. I don’t know if I really want to connect with them or if the limited social contact in quarantine (and a nice merlot) is getting to me. Should I go back and unfriend/unfollow them? —All My Ex’s Live on Facebook Dear All My Ex’s, One day, about 10 years after breaking up with the guy I thought I’d marry, I saw him at a funeral. We shared a nice hug, caught up on the few years it’d been since we last saw each other, and even sat together. After all, we were Facebook friends. Fast-forward to the end of that …

7 Tips to Make it Through a Quarantine Holiday

We can’t travel. No one outside of our pods should come over. We’re grieving all of the people lost to COVID. Money is tight. The general feeling is: “This year f**king sucks.” But we’ve gotten this far; we can definitely make it from here to New Year’s. Not sure what to do? Here’s our game plan: 1. Watch Movies (Photo: Ida Elise Broch stars in Home for Christmas on Netflix) Yes, we’ve been bingeing every TV show we can get our hands on since March, but there are some old (and new) favorites we love to watch this time of year: Christmas Vacation: One word: “Squirrel!” The Best Man Holiday. Also known as The Best Looking Christmas Movie Cast Home for Christmas: This is a fantastic little Norwegian series that’s imminently bingeable. AND Season 2 was just released last Friday so catch up! Die Hard: Every year the longstanding feud reignites between the “Die Hard is definitely a Christmas movie” faction and the “No, it’s not!” coalition. (It’s so obviously a Christmas movie.) We watched …

Why I Vote: TueNighters Share Highlights from the Polls

The 2020 election has seemed endless, but we’re almost to the finish line (we hope). TueNighters across the country were among the nearly 100 million voters who’ve already gone to the polls or dropped their ballots in the mailbox. Some brought their kids who were voting for the very first time, others honored the long, bloody fight against voter intimidation and suppression, and some felt a responsibility to fulfill their civic duty. Check out some of the photos and messages TueNighters shared of casting their votes.  

I Said Goodbye to Bad Romance

By Heather M. Graham I walked into my last relationship certain that I just wasn’t good at being with another person. Every relationship I’d had since I had 17 concluded with an unhappy ending. One boyfriend declared that he couldn’t see himself married to me (after having moved in with me), and another was spooning me when he told me he’d gotten another girl pregnant — and her name was Heather, too. But this new thing seemed to have a chance. He was an old friend who’d already seen the unpretty sides of me and he was still in. He reassured me that I’d be OK, and that made me feel safe enough to try. And I was OK. This relationship proved to be different than the ones that came before. There wasn’t a dark and desperate side to it that drove my belief that I was inescapably broken and fundamentally unlovable. It was the exact opposite. It’d only taken me 25 years to get there. * * * * My first love was beautiful, …

Grief and Gratitude: Knowing Nannie Was Worth the Pain of Losing Her

Heather in the kitchen (of course!) with her Nannie. (Photo courtesy Heather Graham) In early 2007, we sat around my Aunt Mary’s dining room table talking about ways we could celebrate my grandmother’s birthday. Nannie was turning 80, and though she referred to her contemporaries around town as “the old folks,” she in no way considered herself one of them. She’d still have been driving (like a bat outta hell) if her last hip surgery for a degenerative condition hadn’t significantly weakened her pedal-pushing leg. Las Vegas came up. We sipped coffee—my aunt, my mom, my cousin Erica, Nannie and I—as we imagined a glitzy adventure littered with Elvis impersonators, convertible Caddies, big winnings, free booze and overflowing buffets. We envisioned ourselves road-tripping cross-country to party in Vegas. The things we’d do, the people we’d meet. It was even suggested that Wilhelmina might come out of retirement—Wilhelmina being my grandmother’s vagina. Come November, just 45 days before anyone could assess the fire hazard of shoving 80 candles on a cake, my grandmother left this life. …

tuenight prince caroline edgar

Prince Gave Me a Condition of the Heart

In the mid-‘80s, when I’d get home from school, my parents were still at work. Sometimes I’d eat cereal and watch TV or get on the phone with friends. But very often I’d pull out Prince’s 1999 and play “D.M.S.R.” on the family turntable and dance across the dark brown wall-to-wall carpet in my living room, using the staircase landing as a stage. I gave Purple Rain its due, too. I mean, it was the ‘80s; who didn’t? But “D.M.S.R.” was my jam, and I played it over and over and one more time after that. I only danced in my living room when I was alone, not because I was shy — I love dancing, and I’m good at it — but because it was like a meditation that I didn’t know I was doing. It was me creating a space where I could be my authentic self and let it all out, long before I could put words to what I was doing. My parents were music lovers who bought records all the time, …

Women Who Inspire: Hoda Kotb

(Photo Courtesy of NBC) NAME: Hoda Kotb AGE: 49 OCCUPATION: NBC’s TODAY show co-host WHO SHE IS: Hoda Kotb is a funny and charming co-host, one who sings to her favorite songs and talks about the pitfalls of dating in New York City. She’s also been a globetrotting journalist, as well as a Dateline correspondent since 1998. Kotb has reported from war zones, covered the year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina from New Orleans and, led by rebel fighters, snuck into Burma to get the full story on 12-year-old twin warriors said to have magical powers. She is a four-time Emmy nominee, has won an Edward R. Murrow Award, a Peabody, a Gracie Award (among others), and is a New York Times bestselling author. WHY SHE INSPIRES IN ME: It’s not just her accomplishments, it’s how Kotb started out in the business. The Virginia Tech graduate went on an interview at a local TV station in Richmond, was turned down, but given a lead in another market where the same thing happened. Kotb found herself on a 10-day road trip …