Remember Jordache Jeans? Sing along with me: “You’ve got the look I want to know better. You’ve got the look that’s all together. Working, playing, day or night; Jordache has the fit that’s right. The Jordache look!”
The jingle was catchy, right? But my GOD, the TV ads have not aged well. Take a cringe-walk with me down memory lane, but be warned: Once you go down this rabbit hole, there’s no telling when you will come back out of it.
We’ve got the modeling shoot, a twangy ride-the-mechanical-bull cowgirl version, working out with one-pound weights, one about teenagers’ parents getting divorced, and OMG the new-wave version. Each video I click on is worse than the one before. My favorite is this one, with the forced snapping dance for the rhythmically challenged. What are those people even DOING?
I have some questions, including but not limited to: Did I try to dance like that? And if so, why didn’t anyone stop me? Were Jordache Jeans jeans really that tight? Did I want a flat butt? Were these ads trashed in feminist circles at the time? And most importantly, HOW is it that 1980s fashion is cool again???
Calgon, take me away.