The Best Part Of Divorce? My Ex-Wives Club
(Graphic: Kat Borosky/TueNight.com)
When I was newly separated from my husband of seven years, I met a woman who was in the process of getting divorced. We were at our local watering hole — I’d met her through a few mutual friends, so we struck up a conversation.
At first glance, she couldn’t have been more different than me. The kind of woman that was intimidating. The kind of woman that all men looked at and bought drinks for. Tall and blonde with a sexy German accent, she was the opposite of my short, mousy brown American self.
But we started talking about what we had in common: our soon to be ex-husbands, what had happened to our marriages, and how the divorce processes were going. I asked her how her little kids, who were the same ages as mine, were handling living in two separate places. She said it was going okay except they always came back to her house bedraggled. Tired. Teeth unbrushed. Hair slightly matted.
I guess I shouldn’t have been so shocked but wow, she was describing my exact situation. A situation that was making me crazy and making me worry about my kids.
I needed her. Man, did I need her. A friend who understood what I was going through.
When I asked her how she handled it, she said that when her girls got home from their dad’s house, she would just brush their teeth, throw them in the bathtub and make them take a nap.
Doing that was much easier then trying to change her ex-husband, she explained. And his haphazard parenting just served as a reminder of one of the reasons she would soon no longer be married to him.
Twelve years later, I still hear that line in my head whenever I get frustrated with my ex.
“There’s a reason I’m not married to him anymore.”
And twelve years later, that woman is one of my closest friends.
I needed her. Man, did I need her. A friend who understood what I was going through.
At the time of my divorce, I didn’t have many friends. Before my husband and I separated, I had only lived in my town for a little while. We had moved from New York City a year or so earlier. And unlike New York City, we didn’t go out much, and we hadn’t become a part of the community. I was unhappy.
When I met my new friend in the bar, my daughter was three and my son was starting kindergarten at a new school. It was a private Episcopalian school where I was not only the lone divorcee, but also the only jew and quite possibly the only democrat.
To say that I didn’t fit in there would have been an understatement.
So I spent a lot of time alone with my kids. Alone with them at home. Alone watching them on the playground. I was even alone when I volunteered at my kid’s school — the other moms just didn’t want to befriend a democratic jewish divorcee.
My friend and I clicked that night in the bar. We clicked because we were leading such similar and parallel lives. We shared our divorce stories. We bitched together. We bonded about sharing custody, about finances, about our soon to be ex-husbands.
And over the years, we’ve befriended a few more divorced women who, like us, just needed someone to talk to in confidence. Without judgement. Someone to get advice from.
My group of divorced female friends have all shared their experiences of marriages gone bad. Of libidos taking a dive. Of rediscovering their sexuality. Of shared custody and child support. We get this part of each other’s lives because we have all lived it, at one time or another.
It’s been almost 12 years since my divorce. I’m now remarried and happy in my life. I still get frustrated with my ex-husband and the way he parents our children. But I know who to call to vent those frustrations. My divorced girlfriends. They’re as good as my former therapist, and a whole lot less expensive.
2 Responses
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LisaJerry3 Hello I am Lisa Jerry ,I am out here to spread
this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I
was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another
woman last month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to Priest
Ohio the great messenger to the oracle of priest Ohio solution home,I
narrated my problem to Priest Ohio about how my ex Husband left me and
my two kids and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He
only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be
getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need
to do,After it was been done,24 hours later,My Ex Husband called me on
the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids before now
and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for
forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in
USA were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and
overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact
Priest Ohio on his personal email address and get all your problem
solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: or contact him through his website at http://priestohiosolutionhome.webs.com and get your problems solved like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: or contact him through his website at http://priestohiosolutionhome.webs.com -
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