She Said She Said
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She Said, She Said: Let’s Talk About Sex!

TueNight

(Illustration: Mark Gardner)

TN146_margit
So, SEX. Why does it still feel like a taboo topic?

TN146_stacy
It’s only taboo if you’re female, because women aren’t supposed to like sex or say they like sex OUT LOUD IN PUBLIC. (I mean, the saying in public, not the sexing in public.)

TN146_margit
I LIKE SEX. There, I said it out loud. Except for at midnight when I’m super sleepy.

TN146_stacy
I have always identified very strongly with the fact that I have a very strong sex drive — and I can’t say that’s always been well-received.

TN146_margit
By men? By other women?

TN146_stacy
No, not by men, unless they were vaguely threatened (or annoyed) by it. Or he were my boyfriend and felt pressured (it’s happened). It comes off as bragging in women, it’s just “not done.”

TN146_margit
We’re back to that funny generational thing too: The Boomers right above us were the hippie free lovers that busted out on the scene in nude dogpiles; the ones they always show on those “Remember the 60s” Public TV fund drives. But our parents were usually the “silent generation” and a bit more conservative and “we don’t talk about that”…generally speaking. Am I right? So we’re in this weird pickle.

TN146_stacy
I understand part of the baggage: As women, we still aren’t SAFE with our sexuality. It gets used as a reason why we deserve all kinds of terrible mistreatment, as if having sexuality therefore means that it is there for the taking. So I just want to acknowledge that here.

TN146_margit
It’s patently unfair that we don’t feel comfortable shouting it to the mountaintops (or others aren’t comfortable with it). Oh my lord this is a huge topic. What was I thinking. And by huge I mean…

TN146_stacy
……YES???

TN146_stacy
::taps foot::

TN146_stacy
Well, I do get the point that sexuality is “private,” it’s meant to be a private experience. But unfortunately so much in our culture is hyper-sexualized, which then totally robs sexuality of EMOTIONAL CONTENT. I don’t want to have sex like a robot. Or a billboard. I want to have sex like a human. As often as possible, with people I trust and enjoy.

TN146_margit
Speak for yourself. I want to have sex like a robot. Beep beep.

TN146_stacy
So yeah, I like sex a lot, but I don’t want to strip it of its connection.

TN146_margit
I always feel like I leave a little piece of me in every relationship I’ve had. That to me is what “the little death” is.

TN146_stacy
But of course you do! That’s how it’s supposed to work. I think it would be hard to have that “sex-only” relationship with an ex. I prefer to have it with a clean slate — just a good friendship and mutual appreciation. It’s harder as you get older to tumble into sex, which is a shame, because you understand so much more about it.

TN146_margit
“Tumble into sex,” what a lovely phrase.

TN146_stacy
I’d also like to state for the record that this is not a personal ad for someone to try to have sex with me. Now I’m getting nervous. See? It’s different for women. Guys can just joke about this stuff and have no rebound.

TN146_margit
What do you find sexy?

TN146_stacy
Sexual attraction is still such a mysterious thing…. You just get that little “zing” of connection. For me it’s definitely something I feel first through personality, and then it becomes more physical.

TN146_margit
Listening is sexy. A GREAT conversation. Seriously. Mano y mano. I like a big brain. But then I also like a big nose.

TN146_stacy
I love men’s hands and wrists. Always have. If I find a person attractive, I kind of can’t stop looking at their hands….

TN146_margit
Yessss hands. It’s always interesting to me when you don’t find someone necessarily attractive and then they do something, say something that piques your interest….

TN146_stacy
That’s true. I am of course totally drawn to a natural-born kindness. I think it’s the most underrated trait ever.

TN146_margit
“Hey Stacy, let me help you with those boxes…” Bow-chicka-bow!

TN146_stacy
Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be dominated sometimes!

TN146_margit
 “Hey Stacy, let me help you with those boxes….As YOU CRAWL BEHIND ME!”

TN146_stacy
But this is where sexuality gets private, because I totally want everyone in the WORLD to get their freak on — but I don’t necessarily want to hear about it.

TN146_margit
I get that squinty, one-eye open like “what are you going to say next” feeling.

TN146_stacy
I find images of women more erotic than men, however. I can’t look at photos of naked men and get too turned on. I always say I think it’s the “mirror” effect. Seeing a turned-on woman in turn turns me on. Thank god there’s some high-quality sexual imagery out there now. (Can’t call it porn – brings to mind the wrong things.)

TN146_margit
What makes YOU feel sexy?

TN146_stacy
Being desired. Sexiest feeling in the world.

TN146_margit
You could be wearing an old ratty t-shirt and if he wants you….

TN146_stacy
Also, running makes me feel sexy. When I’m finished — even if it was an ugly red-faced struggle — I feel amazing, because I am IN MY BODY. I think about that a lot, how if I’m not paying enough attention to my body, I kind of slip out of it. And for the record, I feel sexy no matter how much I weigh. Men have commented on it (yes, more than one). Because when I’m being intimate, I am NOT thinking about clothes or what I look like. I am just feeling.

TN146_margit
Funny, for some reason when I hear the word sexy I think BEFORE sex. As in, the lead up…Like walking into a room, wearing a fantastic dress, red lipstick, feeling confident….sexy. To me, sexy, begins well before “the act” of sex.

TN146_stacy
Oh, I’m opposite I think. I don’t ever really “feel sexy” when I’m dressed, though I may feel attractive. I feel sexy when I’m just knocking around, tired, just walking up, after exercising, being witnessed.

TN146_margit
You’re talking about an emotional vulnerability. I’m talking about my lady armor. You’re way more evolved.

TN146_stacy
I think that it’s about being JUST ME. Because when you are having sex it’s pretty much you and nothing else right there. And THAT IS WHY IT IS SO LIFE-AFFIRMING.

TN146_margit
Good point. Well so how should we wrap this one up? Do you feel satisfied???

TN146_stacy
No, I am never satisfied. And that is why sex is great. It keeps you moving forward, looking for the next thing. Now I have to go get some man energy online and get interested in feeding my son dinner or some task like that. It’s the tasks that keep us from the sex, man! Later!

TN146_stacy
is now offline.

3 Comments

  1. Margit says

    AliceTasman Thanks for the tweet Alice! Now let’s see, would Mrs. Allen be proud…

  2. Pingback: Editor’s Note: I’m Too Sexy For This Post | Tue Night

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