(Illustration: Mark Gardner)
We’re back to that funny generational thing too: The Boomers right above us were the hippie free lovers that busted out on the scene in nude dogpiles; the ones they always show on those “Remember the 60s” Public TV fund drives. But our parents were usually the “silent generation” and a bit more conservative and “we don’t talk about that”…generally speaking. Am I right? So we’re in this weird pickle.
I understand part of the baggage: As women, we still aren’t SAFE with our sexuality. It gets used as a reason why we deserve all kinds of terrible mistreatment, as if having sexuality therefore means that it is there for the taking. So I just want to acknowledge that here.
Well, I do get the point that sexuality is “private,” it’s meant to be a private experience. But unfortunately so much in our culture is hyper-sexualized, which then totally robs sexuality of EMOTIONAL CONTENT. I don’t want to have sex like a robot. Or a billboard. I want to have sex like a human. As often as possible, with people I trust and enjoy.
But of course you do! That’s how it’s supposed to work. I think it would be hard to have that “sex-only” relationship with an ex. I prefer to have it with a clean slate — just a good friendship and mutual appreciation. It’s harder as you get older to tumble into sex, which is a shame, because you understand so much more about it.
I’d also like to state for the record that this is not a personal ad for someone to try to have sex with me. Now I’m getting nervous. See? It’s different for women. Guys can just joke about this stuff and have no rebound.
Sexual attraction is still such a mysterious thing…. You just get that little “zing” of connection. For me it’s definitely something I feel first through personality, and then it becomes more physical.
I find images of women more erotic than men, however. I can’t look at photos of naked men and get too turned on. I always say I think it’s the “mirror” effect. Seeing a turned-on woman in turn turns me on. Thank god there’s some high-quality sexual imagery out there now. (Can’t call it porn – brings to mind the wrong things.)
Also, running makes me feel sexy. When I’m finished — even if it was an ugly red-faced struggle — I feel amazing, because I am IN MY BODY. I think about that a lot, how if I’m not paying enough attention to my body, I kind of slip out of it. And for the record, I feel sexy no matter how much I weigh. Men have commented on it (yes, more than one). Because when I’m being intimate, I am NOT thinking about clothes or what I look like. I am just feeling.
Funny, for some reason when I hear the word sexy I think BEFORE sex. As in, the lead up…Like walking into a room, wearing a fantastic dress, red lipstick, feeling confident….sexy. To me, sexy, begins well before “the act” of sex.
Oh, I’m opposite I think. I don’t ever really “feel sexy” when I’m dressed, though I may feel attractive. I feel sexy when I’m just knocking around, tired, just walking up, after exercising, being witnessed.
No, I am never satisfied. And that is why sex is great. It keeps you moving forward, looking for the next thing. Now I have to go get some man energy online and get interested in feeding my son dinner or some task like that. It’s the tasks that keep us from the sex, man! Later!